my celebrity boyfriend

Please meet my new boyfriend, Mike Rowe, host of Dirty Jobs and Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. I love him. I'm pretty sure he loves me, too. He just hasn't met me yet. Once we overcome that obstacle, our love will grow and grow and grow. Mike . . . call me . . .

the yuckies

Moody Lymie, at work.

I woke up in a bad mood today. I don't know why. It's Friday, it's payday, it's sunny and 74 degrees. I have a whole weekend of theater friends and gatherings and food and good times in front of me.

What's going on?

I've been asking myself that all day. What's the real problem? Could it be that my ex flew off this morning with his new wife for a belated honeymoon? Or that one of my best friend's mother just died and I haven't seen him for two days, and phone calls aren't cutting it? Am I doing enough? Why do I feel guilty? Or is it that my sore throat, which killed me continually for three weeks, is back again, after I felt better? Or the Lyme symptoms of tingling, twitching, burning, neuro legs and feet are in full force today? That I haven't slept enough this week because my sleeping patterns are so screwed up at the moment? Is it how I look? How I feel?

I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. I have this unsettled feeling that something isn't quite right. Something isn't sitting well in my brain. It's floating around and bouncing and being elusive. I can't see what it is. I feel restless, like I'm ready for something to happen NOW. I want to run out of the building into the parking lot and hit it head on, full force. What is it? Where is it? And why is it taking so long?

summer solstice

My garden, late evening.

Enjoy the longest day of the year!

melancholy girl

My 8-month old neighbor. Could she be any cuter?

Lymeapallooza '07

The Lyme fairies at work!

Merry Lymeapallooza!

It's June 15th, people, the third annual Lymeapallooza, the anniversary of the official start of my Lyme disease. Three years ago tonight, the Pistons were winning the NBA Championship, and I could barely hold myself together as the Lyme attacked every organ of my body and I began to physically and mentally shut down. A year and a half later I would be diagnosed. Last year at this time I was six months into treatment and in the depths of herxing hell. I could barely stand up at the Betty Awards and spent most of the night sitting down sipping water.

And today . . . well, things are completely different. I've done more this spring than I did all last summer. Planted two trees, three bushes, trimmed all my shrubs, had my bathroom redone, cleaned and purged a great percentage of my house - I could go on and on. It's like a few months ago I finally broke through, and BAM, I'm suddenly at 85-90% Lisa. It's good to be back.

When I arrived at work, I found 12-15 limes scattered across my desk and a card on my keyboard. My closest co-workers all dressed in green, and at lunch we had a green cake with green frosting. People were stopping me in the hallway asking what Lymeapallooza was (word spreads fast!) and in little ways, I was able to educate people about Lyme, or at least get them thinking. Our human resources director even stopped me to (teasingly) ask why she didn't know about this, and suggested that next year we have an official Lyme awareness day at work. Cool, huh?

It was a good day overall - until I got the news that Jim's mother died this morning, after a long illness. I feel so bad for him. He (of course) bolted from work and I haven't heard anything from him. I left him a voice mail to let him know I was here if he needed anything at all. My phone is on and I know he'll call eventually. It's just so sad. No matter how old your parents are, no matter if the death is expected, it just can't be easy. It's one of those things we'll all go through, and just thinking about it makes me want to crumple up. I can't imagine being here without my parents.

I'm spending the evening babysitting my adorable 8-month old neighbor. Her parents have joined an adult kickball team - now how much fun is that?! It'll be good for them to get out, and I get to have some baby time!

I'm off. What a day of ups and downs.

fireflies

My cool new firefly lights, strung across the top of my bookshelf.

but i just feel like taking a nap . . .

Lymie, a bit moody before going outside to mow the lawn.

soapy

Pink Sugar soap made by Lymie, on one of my Great-Grandma's saucers.
The blobs of dye are an accident, but the effect is cool!

Today a marvelous package arrived in the mail. I love getting packages in the mail anyway, but when I know there are fun smelling craft supplies inside, I become giddy. It was a stock of soap making supplies, with eleven little vials of new oil fragrances and a new mold. I got these scents:

Juicy Lime (of course!)
Banana
Clementine
Coconut Lime Verbena
Exotic Coconut
Pink Sugar
Brown Sugar & Fig
Grapefruit
Tootie Frootie

The eleventh scent is Blueberry Verbena - and it's my new favorite. Here's the oil description: The perfect blend of sweet summer blueberries and citrusy verbena. Top notes of juicy blueberry, orange, and lemon verbena lead to a fruity-floral middle of strawberry, pear, lilac, and violet. A soft, lasting drydown is provided by vanilla and musk. Bottom Line: Fruity, citrusy, and a bit old-fashioned.

I didn't take its picture because it's been in the bathtub with me for two nights in a row and has lost its glossy shape. The scent, however, remains heavenly.

Anything sound good? I have lots of supplies and I'll make my loyal readers some soap! Leave me your request in a comment.

waiting

Grandpa in India, early 1940's.

I love this photo of my grandpa. It was taken while he was in serving in World War II. He sent it via airmail to my grandma, his fiancee. The story of how they met is one that makes people go "awwww." When my grandpa was in high school, he went with a group of friends up north to a park one Saturday to hang out, grill hamburgers, and have fun. In the distance, he saw this tiny teenage girl swinging away happily on a swingset, long blonde hair flying out behind her. He asked his friends who she was, and someone knew that it was "Arlene" and that she also went to their high school.

I don't know if he talked to her that day, but Monday morning at school he hunted her down (all 5' of her) and found her by her locker. They were inseparable from that day on. They went to prom. They got engaged. And then he was sent to India during the war. She waited for him, three long years. Can you imagine? Sometimes she didn't hear from him for months, and then four letters would arrive on one day. I have all of their letters in a box, full of messages of love and hope and plans of their future together.

I can visualize my grandpa moments before the photo was taken, handing the camera to his army buddy and then carefully posing, smiling like he's plotting to make my grandma laugh. It's so carefully posed that you can tell how much he wanted to reassure her that he was happy and safe. Look at the left side of the photo - see the arrow? He drew that, pointing at the picture of her he kept with him, so she would know he was always near her. I have that photo now, too - her senior portrait, the one he kept beside his bed throughout the war. Besides that detail, I love most that he has my mother's face. He has her face, so far away in India, and she wasn't even born yet. I find that amazing.

My grandpa died in 1993, and my grandma in 2005. The night of her death, I imagined what it must have felt like for them to be together again. They had both waited for each other so many times during their lives. I pictured her breaking through into heaven as a seventeen year old, running toward him with her blonde hair flying everywhere, as he leaned against a swingset, smiling and knowing he never had to wait for her again.

i love this show!

Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel.

peonies

Rainy Sunday in the garden.

a simple way of life

Filling up my jacuzzi tub by candelight.

I want things to be simple, calm, and in order. After the chaos of the past 4 years: bad relationships, heartbreak, deaths, and the all-consuming fight-of-my-life, Lyme disease, I am ready for my life to smooth out. I want to be happy.

I haven't felt this good in three years, pre-Lyme. Little things like being able to mow my front and back lawns without sitting down for an hour in between, or cleaning my house for a few hours without taking a long break. Being able to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes four times a week - I haven't worked out since 2004.

My doctor is talking about taking me off treatment soon and seeing if I am in remission. He ran some tests, but I was disappointed to find out my markers aren't low enough yet. So I continue with the antibiotics and handfuls of supplements. But the mere fact that we're even TALKING about this - what a huge milestone. To go from the person who had to hold a glass of water with both hands and shakily aim for my mouth; hallucinated in my sleep; was so attacked in every organ I thought I was going to die, and made my peace with my life just in case; who on bad days was so weak I had to crawl to the bathroom - truly amazing.

I had an interesting conversation with Sarah, visiting from NJ a few months ago. I had first become friends with her just a few weeks before my trip to Ireland in May 2004, so she has never really known me not to have Lyme. I asked her if I was different now, if I had undergone some huge personality change since recovering from my illness. She said, "no, you're the same. You're still funny, hardworking, and loyal. But there was so much sadness around you for so long, so much darkness. And now that's fading away, so I can see more strongly who you are." That makes me feel good.

With my new health, I've had the energy to do more around my house. I love my house, and it has been so neglected in the past few years, as far as clutter. It was easier just to toss things in boxes, drawers, and closets, and get them out of the way, rather than exert the energy to sort and clean. So now I'm going through everything, and either throwing things away or donating them. I only want to be surrounded by things I love and make me smile, not things that have outgrown their time with me or make me feel sad.

One of my favorite recent purchases is my jacuzzi tub. About a six weeks ago, I had my original 1952 bathroom gutted and completely re-done. It was torn down to the studs and the first layer of wood on the floor - I could see right into the basement through the gaps. Sophie refused to go in there. I have a new toilet, sink, mirror, lights, cabinet . . . and best of all, a jacuzzi tub. It is the most amazing thing. Extra-deep, with 8 jets you can adjust to hit all your important parts. I am still waiting for my tub surround (fiberglass sheets of tile that line the shower) to come in, so right now I can only take baths. Every evening I fill the tub as far as I safely can, light a candle, turn on those jets, and climb into heaven. It truly vibrates the day's minor worries and stresses right out of me in a zen-like, meditative way. I feel clean, girly, and relaxed.

So I think this new blog will be about moving past Lyme. I will always be Lymie Lisa. Lime green will always be my color. This disease will be in remission in me for the rest of my life, and that's o.k. I am not wallowing in it. I am wearing it proudly as a survivor, like a war medal, a memory of something you worked so hard to get through, are now glad it's over, but never, never want to forget.