Sunday, June 3, 2007

a simple way of life

Filling up my jacuzzi tub by candelight.

I want things to be simple, calm, and in order. After the chaos of the past 4 years: bad relationships, heartbreak, deaths, and the all-consuming fight-of-my-life, Lyme disease, I am ready for my life to smooth out. I want to be happy.

I haven't felt this good in three years, pre-Lyme. Little things like being able to mow my front and back lawns without sitting down for an hour in between, or cleaning my house for a few hours without taking a long break. Being able to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes four times a week - I haven't worked out since 2004.

My doctor is talking about taking me off treatment soon and seeing if I am in remission. He ran some tests, but I was disappointed to find out my markers aren't low enough yet. So I continue with the antibiotics and handfuls of supplements. But the mere fact that we're even TALKING about this - what a huge milestone. To go from the person who had to hold a glass of water with both hands and shakily aim for my mouth; hallucinated in my sleep; was so attacked in every organ I thought I was going to die, and made my peace with my life just in case; who on bad days was so weak I had to crawl to the bathroom - truly amazing.

I had an interesting conversation with Sarah, visiting from NJ a few months ago. I had first become friends with her just a few weeks before my trip to Ireland in May 2004, so she has never really known me not to have Lyme. I asked her if I was different now, if I had undergone some huge personality change since recovering from my illness. She said, "no, you're the same. You're still funny, hardworking, and loyal. But there was so much sadness around you for so long, so much darkness. And now that's fading away, so I can see more strongly who you are." That makes me feel good.

With my new health, I've had the energy to do more around my house. I love my house, and it has been so neglected in the past few years, as far as clutter. It was easier just to toss things in boxes, drawers, and closets, and get them out of the way, rather than exert the energy to sort and clean. So now I'm going through everything, and either throwing things away or donating them. I only want to be surrounded by things I love and make me smile, not things that have outgrown their time with me or make me feel sad.

One of my favorite recent purchases is my jacuzzi tub. About a six weeks ago, I had my original 1952 bathroom gutted and completely re-done. It was torn down to the studs and the first layer of wood on the floor - I could see right into the basement through the gaps. Sophie refused to go in there. I have a new toilet, sink, mirror, lights, cabinet . . . and best of all, a jacuzzi tub. It is the most amazing thing. Extra-deep, with 8 jets you can adjust to hit all your important parts. I am still waiting for my tub surround (fiberglass sheets of tile that line the shower) to come in, so right now I can only take baths. Every evening I fill the tub as far as I safely can, light a candle, turn on those jets, and climb into heaven. It truly vibrates the day's minor worries and stresses right out of me in a zen-like, meditative way. I feel clean, girly, and relaxed.

So I think this new blog will be about moving past Lyme. I will always be Lymie Lisa. Lime green will always be my color. This disease will be in remission in me for the rest of my life, and that's o.k. I am not wallowing in it. I am wearing it proudly as a survivor, like a war medal, a memory of something you worked so hard to get through, are now glad it's over, but never, never want to forget.


Donna said...

You'll always be the same ol' Lisa Lisa that I love..... :-)

sarah said...

I'm grinning from ear to ear - and bursting with happiness...I love you...

Anonymous said...

BRAVO!!!! I love seeing my Lisa like the old Lisa, less Lymie ;) But I love you anyway I can get you. So glad you are getting better and better. You are a survivor of lyme and so much more. You are truely an inspiration to me and everyone.
Love you!

Anonymous said...

Lisa... I'm going back to calling you anything but Lymie, because though it is a part of who you are, it is not ALL of who you are. You are so special...talented, intelligent, generous and kind. Truly beautiful from the inside out.

I love you, sweetie. Come visit me soon!

~gracie girl

Mal said...

Although I have never met you...I think your a powerful person! Keep up all the hard work! Continue to be positive and share your happiness with the world!