Sunday, January 11, 2009

being brave

white dog
My neighbor's dog.

You know how you read other people's blogs, click on their links, then click on their links, and pretty soon you have twelve browser tabs open and don't know how you got to the page you're reading? That's how I stumbled onto this blog entry.

It made me question how I "take the edge off" my own life. What am I doing to numb myself? Comfort eating, drinking a few more beers than necessary, sleeping, holing up in my house, movies, sewing, photography? Where is the line drawn between a relaxing day at home and hiding, or between a hobby and an escape?

I think I've lost my edge. Sometimes I feel so worn out that it's easier to numb myself than to set myself up for the possibility of more disappointment. I worry that I've become so emotionally dead inside that if I actually find a healthy relationship, I won't even be able to recognize it. And I worry that while I'm busy padding my heart with bubble wrap and clunking around in a suit of armor, I'm also shielding myself from the good things in life.

This will never work. Plus, a metal suit isn't all that flattering.

I promise myself to get out of my comfort zone. Feel the edge. Be a bit afraid. Vulnerable. And open to all sorts of possibilities.

2 comments:

me said...

i've often wondered about that fine line between hiding behind or simply enjoying something you love. as with most things, the truth lies somewhere inbetween.

here is to new possibilities!!!

SG said...

I've been having a rough time with motivation in pretty much all areas. I feel like I've slacked off entirely too long; so long that I'm not sure how NOT to slack off.

But I'm trying. And I know I can do it.

And I know that you can get past the crap that has built up for you, chica.

Power to the Positive Thinking!

xoxox
me