Monday, January 26, 2009

pass the dramamine

another wish

One of the things I've noticed lately is the myriad of emotions I am capable of having in one day. I can wake up groggy and cranky, get to work and be irritable, laugh with my friends at lunch, have a melancholy afternoon, be stressed and tense when I get home and think of all the things I'm not getting done, have an absolute blast and blow off happy steam at rehearsal, then come home and curl up in a ball on the couch and remember everything that happened just before Christmas. I am a mess. And not necessarily in a bad way. I'm just all over the place all the time, processing and thinking and dealing.

Can I have another wish? I wish for truth. I have been lying to myself for years, not dealing with patterns that are hurting me, blocking out others that I just hope will go away. Well, they're not going anywhere; I keep spinning in circles, reliving the same script over and over like some demented ferris wheel ride, breaking promises to myself left and right. I'm tired. And slightly nauseous.

Enough, already. I owe myself more than this.

2 comments:

Megan said...

oh, ironic...i'll be posting a blog soon (tomorrow-ish) that will definitely touch on some of your comments....

hang in there! love ya.

Sarah Grace said...

I can relate to this more than you may know.

You have the power, Lis... only you hold the key.

Love you.
Me