Monday, September 15, 2008

the cheesecake incident

charlotte martin!
Charlotte Martin, March 2006 in Detroit.

Today was a co-worker's birthday. Our lunch group celebrates everyone's birthday; the person who had the last birthday is responsible for buying/making/stealing the next person's cake.

I had a salad with chicken and feta cheese on the top, and some cottage cheese with mandarin oranges. I was content. But then they pulled the lid off of the cake - and it was a cheesecake. Which, as everyone knows, is my all-time favorite dessert. On my deathbed, I want someone to fork chunks of cheesecake into my mouth and then send me off to the Great Beyond, where I will arrive smiling giddily and smelling faintly of vanilla.

Suddenly I just had to have it. There was no question. I haven't eaten processed sugar in three weeks, so seeing my favorite dessert smiling at me from the center of the table sent my cravings into overdrive. It was a boxed cheesecake in three flavors, so I read the calories, fat, and fiber off the side, chose the one with the least amount of damage (strawberry), and dug in. It tasted wonderful and was worth every calorie. I immediately went back to my desk and computed the Weight Watcher's points for it, entered it into my daily tally, and that was that. I was satisfied, and it was just part of my day.

And you know what? That splurge was only 8 points. I was expecting it to be like 15, and pictured myself huddled over a plate of lettuce at supper with no points left to spend. But there were plenty left over for a decent (though smaller than usual) meal. I thought back to the hundreds of times I had a piece of cheesecake or pie or whatever, and then told myself "well, that's it, I've blown it. I might as well keep eating." Hundreds of calories later, my day was trashed. When the truth is, I never really blew it, and I should have just stopped right then.

My goal is to keep eating consciously like this - not depriving myself of anything, not eliminating food groups, and satisfying a craving with a (hopefully) moderate, planned portion. This must be how normal people eat.


Anonymous said...

you go girl!

Megan said...

your meals always sound so GOOD! and congrats on the great realizations - that must feel nice!!

ps, i made the "eggy thing" last saturday - it was WONDERFUL!